Cosmosphere Error Fest 2009

Cloche’s Cosmosphere is complete at long last. Here is a smorgasbord of problems from the last two levels. Of course, some mild to severe spoilers are scattered throughout.

How can you perform in front of someone that is somewhere they need to be lured out of?

Cloche(1) :4:4:
JP::そうよ。
おもてなしするのなら、
やっぱり綺麗な音楽でご招待したいじゃない。
EN::Yes. We should lure them out by performing in front of them.
NEW:Yes, if we want to welcome them, what better way than with lovely music?

What.

Cloche(1) :17:17:
JP::貴方のお陰で、私は自らがしたいこと…自らが成すべき事を主張することの大切さを知ったわ…。
EN::I got to realize how important it is to know what I want to do, and to voice it out…
NEW:You showed me the importance of asserting what I want to… what I ought to accomplish.

NISA decided to change the name of one of Cloche’s personas, for some reason. Reisu became Reish, which is particularly confusing because Luca’s mother’s name is Reisha. Midorino became Ryokuya, which can be gotten phonetically from the same kanji 緑野, but the voice track makes it obvious. On level 3:

???(132) :18:18:
JP::クローシェ!?誰よそれ。
私はレイス。緑野麗珠よ。
EN::Cloche!? Who? I’m Reish. Reish Ryokuya.
NEW:Who’s Cloche? I’m Reisu. Reisu Midorino.

Ah, and the confusion with Reisha comes through at the end of the Cosmosphere. NISA themselves had Croix call Cloche’s persona by Luca’s mother’s name on Level 9:

Croix(3) :2:2:
JP::貴方は…麗珠さん…。
学園世界での歌…とっても上手でした。
また一緒にカラオケに行きましょう。
EN::You are… Miss Reisha… You were such a good singer. I would want to go to karaoke with you again.
NEW:You’re… Miss Reisu. The great singer from the school world. Let’s go to karaoke again some time.

Plenty of Japanese words have several English words that they could be translated as, depending on the intention. Here Cloche’s use of “important” makes it seem like she has some unimportant personas. No, she is just describing the way she feels about all of her personas: they’re precious.

Cloche(1) :5:5:
JP::貴方は私の大切な人格の1人…
『可能性』の資源を持つ人格よ…。
EN::You are one of my important personalities… You possess the “Possibility”…
NEW:You are one of my precious personas. You bear the trait of “Potential”.

Similarly, throughout the final level, the ceremonial greeting, acknowledgment, and thanking of the personas is called “approving”. This makes it seem like the personas are being judged somehow, or going through some bureaucratic process. The original word 承認 has a lot of possible translations, and “recognition” is much more appropriate.

(105) :6:6:
JP::…ありがとう…私を承認してくれて。
EN::…Thank you… for approving me.
NEW:Thank you… for recognizing me.

A case of not taking the previous line of dialogue into account.

Croix(3) :31:31:
JP::クローシェ様!まだ大丈夫ですよ!
EN::Lady Cloche! We can’t give up yet!
NEW:Lady Cloche! It’s still all right!

Cloche(1) :32:32:
JP::無理よ!
キュオールが出てこなければ…これ以上の
人格は復活できないのだから…
EN::I can’t! We can’t get all the personalities back without Cural…
NEW:It’s hopeless! Without Cural, we can’t bring back any more personas…

Another important word in the final level was translated as “invite”. While that is certainly the most common translation for 招待, it doesn’t make sense if you pay attention to the story. Croix and Cloche have to magically bring the personas from their homes, and when they arrive they are confused of where they are and how they got there. Clearly they weren’t *invited,* they were *summoned.*

(105) :1:1:
JP::…私…一体…
どうしてここに…
EN::…Why… why am I here…
NEW:Why… Why am I here…

Croix(3) :2:2:
JP::貴方にお礼を言うために、
この階層へ招待させていただいたのです。
EN::We’ve invited you here to give you our appreciation.
NEW:We’ve summoned you to this stratum to thank you.

“That’s true.” Disgraceful.

(105) :3:3:
JP::私が元凶なのに…
此の私という存在を消し去ってしまった元凶なのに…私にそんな資格…ありません…。
EN::I’m the root of everything… I was the one who destroyed myself… I don’t… deserve this…
NEW:But it’s all my fault…. I’m the one who erased the existence known as “me”…. I don’t… deserve thanks.

Croix(3) :4:4:
JP::そんなこと有りません。
貴方はとても格式高く、誉れ高い存在です。
EN::That’s true. You are a very
traditional, and proud person.
NEW:That’s not true. You are very dignified and honorable.

NISA loves to use “you guys” for 貴方達, regardless of how inappropriate such a familiar form of address is for the situation.

(105) :3:3:
JP::私なんて、破壊するだけし尽くして、何も生んでいないのに…何故私にお礼なんか。
もしかしてお礼って…
EN::I didn’t do anything but to destroy… Appreciation… Are you guys actually going to…
NEW:I have done nothing but eradicate. I have provided nothing. Why would you thank me? Unless by “thanks” you actually mean…

“Courage to get … and accepting it”. It’s painful for me to see this sort of sloppy speech attributed to Chroche Leythal Pastalie.

Cloche(1) :5:5:
JP::貴方が勇気を出して触れてくれた辛い過去の傷は、今の私にとってとても大きな価値になっています…。ありがとう。
EN::Your courage to get in touch with the painful past and accepting it is very valuable to me… thank you.
NEW:Your courage to touch the painful wounds of the past is of great value to me now. Thank you.

The [completion ceremony](http://www.at2.metalbat.com/?p=291) wasn’t just poorly translated. It was poorly translated in two different ways, like the [flashbacks in level 6-R](http://www.at2.metalbat.com/?p=149).

Level 7:

(25) :28:28:
JP::そなたは、そなたの持つ心の全てをクロアに預け、嘘偽りない己を、彼に捧げてきた事を誓いますか?
EN::Do you pledge here today that you have given your all to Croix and showed him everything with no lies?
NEW:Do you vow that you have offered your heart, truly and sincerely, to Croix?

Level 9:

(25) :19:19:
JP::そなたは、そなたの持つ心の全てをクロアに預け、嘘偽りない己を、彼に捧げてきた事を誓いますか?
EN::Do you hereby solemnly swear that you have given your all to Croix and showed him everything with no deceptions?
NEW:Do you vow that you have offered your heart, truly and sincerely, to Croix?

Complete meaning breakdown:

(25) :67:67:
JP::これは、自分自身への大きな自信へと繋がるわ。そうすると、今まで出来なかった大きな事を成し遂げることが出来るようになる。
EN::This will lead to having great confidence toward the future. I will be able to do something you could not.
NEW:This will grant you great confidence in yourself. And that leads to the ability to accomplish great things you never could before.

Le sigh. NISA decided to change Infel Phira, a crucial entity in the game, to Infel Pira. There’s no clear reason for this, and like other changes (“Trulyworth”), it corrupts [a Hymmnos word with a real meaning](http://hamsterx.homelinux.org/hymmnoserver/search.php?word=phira). Fine. But they also didn’t consistently translate it, so that in places, it become “Pillar”, a completely unrelated and inapt English word.

(25) :5:5:
JP::クローシェはI.P.D.だから、詩魔法サーバーは『インフェル・ピラ』。
EN::Cloche’s Magic Server is called “Infel Pillar”, since she is an I.P.D.
NEW:Because Cloche is an IPD, her Song Magic Server is Infel Phira.

(25) :6:6:
JP::彼女が謳う時その力は、空に浮かぶあの
『インフェル・ピラ』から送られてくるの。
EN::She receives her power from that floating Infel Pillar when she sings magic.
NEW:When she sings, the power comes from Infel Phira, floating in the sky.

This is wrong.

(25) :7:7:
JP::今までクローシェは、その送られてくる力で自分の魔法を具現化しているに過ぎなかった。
EN::Cloche’s magic was being controlled by the power she received.
NEW:So far, Cloche has only been using that power to manifest her own magic.

(25) :8:8:
JP::でも、今から行う儀式は、その『インフェル・ピラ』を直接制御出来るようにするのよ。
EN::We will conduct a ceremony now, so that she can control the power herself.
NEW:But the ceremony we are about to perform will allow her to control Infel Phira directly.

(25) :9:9:
JP::そうすることで、インフェル・ピラ自体を、強力な詩魔法として使うことが出来るようになるわ。
EN::That way, she will be able to fully utilize the Infel Pillar.
NEW:Then, she will be able to use Infel Phira itself as an extremely powerful Song Magic.

Wouldn’t have be able indeed.

Croix(3) :5:5:
JP::…何にしても、助かった。
お前の力が無ければ、ここまで来る事は出来なかったよ。
EN::…Either way, you did save me. I wouldn’t have be able to be standing here without you.
NEW:Either way, you saved me. Without you, I wouldn’t have made it this far.

One of the greatest disappointments of the localization of Cloche’s Cosmosphere was how often Infel’s gloriously awful [puns](http://www.at2.metalbat.com/?p=108) went completely ignored, while the *reactions* to them were left in place. One of the greatest joys, though, was coming up with equally awful puns that work in English. To have such a challenging one at the end of level 9 was like a little parting gift from the Soulspace to me.

(25) :8:8:
JP::今だから言うけど、ここまで壮絶なコスモスフィアって、なかなか類がないわよ。
EN::I can tell you this now, but you will not see a Cosmosphere like this.
NEW:I can tell you now, this Cosmosphere was monumental like not too many are.

Croix(3) :9:9:
JP::…そうなのか!?
EN::…Really!?
NEW:Really!?

(25) :10:10:
JP::ええ。私が動揺するくらいは、ハンパじゃなかったわ。
EN::I hardly ever panic like I did.
NEW:Yeah, if it’s enough to shake me, it’s really something.

Croix(3) :11:11:
JP::そうか…。
そうだよな…随分と苦労したもんな…。
EN::I see.. You’re right.. It was a lot of work…
NEW:I see. You’re right, though, it was quite a struggle.

(25) :12:12:
JP::ま、そうね。
クローシェとクロアだけに、クロウも
ひとしお…って感じ?
EN::Yes, Croix and Cloche, you guys are full of trouble…
NEW:Yep. By the close, I was pretty shaken… Close, shaken. Clo-che.

Croix(3) :13:13:
JP::…。
EN::…
NEW:…

(25) :14:14:
JP::な、何よ!!
EN::W, what!
NEW:W- what!

Croix(3) :15:15:
JP::…最後の最後で、大ダメージを喰らったな…。
EN::…That was pretty painful…
NEW:You saved the absolute worst for the very end…

Ceremonies

Serious spoilers for Cloche’s Cosmosphere.

There are two completion ceremonies in Cloche’s Cosmosphere; one fake and one genuine. I am partway through translating the real one (which means I’m almost done with the whole Cosmosphere!) and it reminded me of the poor treatment of the false one.

The completion ceremony, one of the main goals of the Ar tonelico games, is supposed to be the most uplifting, deeply meaningful section of the entire Cosmosphere. It’s the culmination of hours upon hours of becoming spiritually entwined with the heroine. What a disappointment it must have been for people to have to dig through this text to find the sentiments it obscured. Here are some big, representative chunks of both ceremonies.

Level 7, at the fake ceremony.

(25) :2:2:
JP::完了の儀式というのは、貴方がクローシェの全てを見て、そして全てを受け入れたことを承認する儀式なの。
EN::Ending ceremony approves the fact that you have seen and accepted all of Cloche.
NEW:The completion ceremony recognizes that you have seen and accepted Cloche’s whole being.

(25) :3:3:
JP::それは、クローシェ自身と貴方の双方がその事を認め合うことで行われるわ。
EN::You can conduct it by both of you two agreeing to that fact.
NEW:It’s conducted by you and Cloche acknowledging that to one another.

(25) :5:5:
JP::しっかり完了すれば、貴方と彼女の絆はとても強くなる。その証となる詩魔法も紡げるの。
EN::If you complete it right, the ties between you two will be stronger, and you will acquire a magic to prove that.
NEW:If you complete it properly, the bonds between you will become much stronger. You’ll be able to craft the song magic that signifies it.

[…]

(25) :18:18:
JP::えーと…遂にこの時がやってきました。
クローシェは、幾多もの困難を乗り越え…
EN::Err… The time is finally here. Cloche has over come many obstacles…
NEW:Err… The time has come at last. Cloche has overcome many hardships…

(25) :19:19:
JP::えと、果てしないパラダイムシフトをし…
ここまでたどり着きました。
EN::and um, provoked countless Paradigm Shifts… and finally got to this point.
NEW:…and um, performed countless Paradigm Shifts… and made it to this point.

(25) :28:28:
JP::そなたは、そなたの持つ心の全てをクロアに預け、嘘偽りない己を、彼に捧げてきた事を誓いますか?
EN::Do you pledge here today that you have given your all to Croix and showed him everything with no lies?
NEW:Do you vow that you have offered your heart, truly and sincerely, to Croix?

Level 9, at the real ceremony.

(25) :8:8:
JP::貴方は、クローシェの全てを見て、全てを受け入れ、そして全てを許してここまでやってきました。
EN::You have seen and accepted everything about Cloche, and given her chances.
NEW:You have seen everything, received everything, and accepted everything of Cloche’s being.

(25) :9:9:
JP::ここ第9階層では、完了…すなわち今までの全てを承認する儀式を行っていきます。
EN::This floor represents the completion… in other words, we will conduct the ceremony for approval.
NEW:In this, the 9th stratum, the completion ceremony is performed… that is, the recognition of everything that has come to pass.

Croix(3) :10:10:
JP::完了?
全ての承認…?
EN::Completion? For approval…?
NEW:Completion? The recognition of everything?

[…]

Croix(3) :15:15:
JP::宝石がなにも無いな…。
EN::There is no jewels on it…
NEW:There isn’t a single jewel on it.

(25) :16:16:
JP::そう。良く解ったわね。
この宝石を、これから貴方達2人で
集めてくるの。
EN::Good, you noticed. You two are going to go find the jewels to put on it from here.
NEW:You noticed. You two are about to go and collect the jewels for it.

About guilt feelings

Well, this a little bit I found while translating a section of Phase 4:

Leglius(4) :89:89:
JP::わかっていても、心の底で否定する気持ちがあるってのも…わかるだろう。
EN::But there’s that feeling at the bottom
of my heart that doesn’t. You know?
NEW:But even so, I still have these feelings 
of denial at the bottom of my heart... 
do you understand it?

True Love

This pair of lines struck me as somehow hilarious.

Cloche(1) :113:113: 
JP::…大好き…
EN::...I love you...

Croix(3) :114:114:
JP::…パラダイムシフト!!
EN::...Paradigm Shift!

Bits, Bobs

Hello, friends. Since my last update, I’ve been tremendously busy at work, moving into my first house, sick, caring for my sick wife, entertaining my brother and parents from out of town, and catching up on video games.

But the more Ar tonelico 3 news that comes out, the more excited I get about the series, so I have been squeezing in some translation here and there. If nothing else, we should definitely complete this project before At3 comes out in English!

Here are a few odd little lines I came across in the deeper levels of Cloche’s Cosmosphere. I’m quite looking forward to finishing her Soulspace so that I can move on to Frelia’s binary field. From what I hear, that’s one of the most hastily-localized bits of the game, so it ought to be a challenging exercise.

Cloche(1) :48:48: 
JP::もう、思い出すのも嫌だった…忘れたままでいたかった…
EN::I didn't want to remember it... I wanted to keep forgetting it...
NEW:I didn't want to remember... I wanted to just forget about it...

Croix(3) :2:2:
JP::…意地でも実験の邪魔はさせないってわけか。
EN::...You won't let me interrupt the lab, huh?
NEW:So, you're here to keep me from interrupting the experiment?

JP::でも、その痛みを耐えられなかったクローシェは、
自らの人格から幼い記憶だけを完全に分離し、追放したの…
EN::She purposely cut off that memory and completely let it go...
NEW:But, unable to endure the pain, 
she isolated the memory and banished it from her own persona.

Luca CS6 Quickie

I’ve been kind of busy and distracted recently, but I’m back to translating now. Luca’s Cosmosphere level 6 is nearly ready, pending my usual quick proofreading/sanity check, but for now, here’s a tasty excerpt to nibble on. Though maybe I should avoid food metaphors, considering it’s Luca….

Spoilers follow. Of course.

Croix(3) :20:20:
JP::未完了…?
EN::Incomplete wills...?
NEW:Imperfections...?

Luca(0) :21:21: 
JP::そう。私の心には、自己否定をする嫌な自分が沢山いるの。
   失敗すると後悔したり、人との付き合いで臆病になったり…
EN::Yes. My heart is made up with a lot of
   personalities that are rejecting myself.
   Self rejecting me, regretful me...
NEW:Right. In my heart are a lot of parts of
   myself I don't like and deny as part of me.
   Messing up and having regrets, getting timid
   when dealing with people....

Luca(0) :22:22: 
JP::自分の言いたいことが言えなくて、後で自分を責めたり、
   嫌なことから逃げて悔やんだり。
EN::Me who is holding back, me who runs
   away from everything...
NEW:Not being able to say what I want
   and beating myself up about it later,
   running away from unpleasant things
   and regretting it.

Luca(0) :23:23: 
JP::その感情は、全部ここに溜まってくる。
   そしてそれは、溶岩の海となってこの世界にあふれ出すの。
EN::All those stresses come and stay here,
   and all that energy turns into lava and
   pours into this world.
NEW:Those feelings all collect here.
   And they turn into a sea of lava and
   overflow into this world.

These aren’t personalities that are rejecting herself, these are aspects of herself she wants to get rid of. Here, they’re specifically habitual behavior that she’s dissatisfied with. The descriptions of these traits are fairly off, and trying to personify them with “~ me” and “me who ~” is both awkward and unnecessary. She’s listing examples of things she does.

About “Emoness”

Well,watching one friend of mine playing At2 reminded me of some of the earlier blunders I saw when I was translating Phase 1; and I decided to post one that many should recognize.

Luca(0) :115:4294967295:
JP::そういえば、エナ宮殿跡で謳ってから、私とスープ、お話しできるようになったね!
EN::Well, at least I’m able to understand you now!
NEW:But now that I think so, since I sang in the
Enna Palace Ruins, I have been able to talk with you!

(31) :116:4294967295:
JP::そうだね!ボクもビックリしたよ。<LINE>
急にボクが言ってることがわかるようになるんだもの。
EN::Yeah, it’s great! I was going borderline emo 
there for a while.
NEW:Yeah! It also surprised me. It was so sudden
that I could talk and you could understand me.

Luca(0) :117:4294967295:
JP::え?だって、スープが言葉喋るようにしたんじゃないの?<LINE>
だって前は、プーとしか言わなかったのに…
EN::Huh? But you don’t have long enough bangs
 to be emo...
NEW:Eh? But how you could start talking talking
so well? Before you couldn’t...

(31) :118:4294967295:
JP::そう聞こえてただけだよー。<LINE>
プープー言ってるように聞こえても、中では今みたいに喋ってたんだよ。
EN::I was referring to nobody being able to understand me.
NEW:That was just how you heard it. Even if you heard it
as only pupupu, I was actually talking.

Luca(0) :119:4294967295:
JP::そっかー。でもスープとお話し出来るなんてちょっとビックリ。<LINE>
ねえ、スープってどこに住んでたの?
EN::Oh, I get it now.<LINE>
So, where did you come<LINE>
from...originally?
NEW:Oh it’s that so? Still, I’m a little surprised that
I can talk to you.So, Soope, where did you come
from?

Here, I just say that adding such things to an scene that’s not supposed to be funny is simply unnecesary.

Dealing with Wave Theory

Well, this part is taken from Jakuri’s Lv. 2 Cosmosphere, as part of an optional event. However, I think this part wasn’t given the necessary care it should, given that Wave Theory (and all of its derivatives) are the basis of the Ar tonelico world. And don’t worry about spoilers, since this part doesn’t contain any.

(205) :10:10:
JP::この宇宙は波動で構成されています。
EN::This universe is comprised of waves.
NEW:This universe is comprised of waves.

(205) :11:11:
JP::およそビックバンと呼ばれる類の「この」
世界の覚醒たる事象は、たった一つの原子核エクサピーコによってもたらされま
した。
EN::The big bang that awakened this world was caused by a 
little atomic nucleus called the exa pieco.
NEW:The big bang that created ??this?? world was caused by 
just an atomic nucleus called the Exa Pico.

(205) :12:12:
JP::エクサピーコはそういった天文学的種類の波動を、時間という概念では計測
できない程の短い時間内で、猛烈に変動させています。
EN::Exa pieco changes the astronomical wave motions at a rapid 
rate that you cannot measure with time.
NEW:Exa Pico changes the astronomical wave motions at such a 
rapid and violent rate that we cannot measure it with our general 
concept of time.

(205) :13:13:
JP::すると、その短い時間事にバランスを失った波動の力、すなわち(歪み)が
外に放射されることになり――
EN::An unstable force of wave motion for a short amount of time, 
a distortion, is emitted on the outside...
NEW:Because of that, the strength of the wave loses its balance in 
that short period of time. That is, it emits a (distortion) to the 
outside...

(205) :14:14:
JP::波動科学でもおなじみの「導体波」が導き出されます。
EN::Provoking a conducting wave, as you’re familiar with from 
wave science.
NEW:Deriving into a ??Dynamic Wave??, which you should know by 
now from wave science.

(205) :15:15:
JP::D波、H波以外にも当然導体波は存在します。
EN::There are many conducting waves,
including D-waves and H-waves.
NEW:Naturally, there are several classes of Dynamic Waves, 
including D-Waves and H-Waves.

(205) :16:16:
JP::そしてその導体波は、この世界空間を伝播していき、彼(エクサピーコ)の
「宇宙」を作ります。
EN::All the conducting waves will transmit through the air and 
create the universe of exa pieco.
NEW:Thus、 the Dynamic Waves will propagate through the space of 
this world、 creating the Universe of Exa Pico.

(205) :17:17:
JP::宇宙とは、世界の中でエクサピーコが影響を及ぼしている地域のことになり
ます。
EN::This universe is a place that is affected by exa pieco.
NEW:Therefore、 the Universe turns into an area in the world where 
Exa Pico exerts its influence.

...

(205) :29:29:
JP::さて、これらの導体波は、新たな定常波を生みます。
EN::Well, so those conducting waves will produce new standing 
waves.
NEW:Well, those Dynamic Waves will produce new Static Waves.

(205) :30:30:
JP::それはエクサピーコの産み出した導体波が、世界に広がるナムの海に作用し
た結果であり、
EN::This is a result after the conducting waves produced by exa 
pieco have affected the Sea of Nam.
NEW:That is the result of the Dynamic Waves created by Exa Pico 
expanding their area of effect in the world, starting with a point in 
the Sea of Num.

(205) :31:31:
JP::その結果、その地点のナムの海は宇宙となるのです。
EN::From this, you can say that the Sea of Nam is the universe 
at this point.
NEW:As a result, that point of the Sea of Num turns into the 
Universe.

(205) :32:32:
JP::一般的な波動論でも定説である「波動の干渉」によって、導体D波というエ
ネルギーが…
EN::Just as an established theory of the universal wave theory, an 
energy of a conducting D-wave by...
NEW:Just as the popular yet established wave theory of ??Wave 
Interference?? says, an energy known as a Dynamic D-Wave...

(205) :33:33:
JP::その地点の振幅0周波数0の空間に、振幅と周波数を与えるのです。
EN::The ??interference of a wave?? will determine the amplitude 
and frequency of the initial space at zero.
NEW:Determines the amplitude and frequency of a point whenever 
the amplitude and frequency of the space it occupates is zero.

I know this is something difficult to understand, but NISA’s version doesn’t make any sense in many points (not to mention modifying the terminology that was already established).

Luca Self-Summary Slipup

Luca’s Cosmosphere level 5 spoilers ahead.

I’m nearly done with level 5, just need to finish rechecking and cleaning it up a bit. I hit this part while doing that, though, and it seemed like prime blogging material. So here you go:

Luca(0) :11:11: 
JP::先にも言ったけど、これはバラを育てていた子
   「水音」によって引き起こされた。
EN::It was Mizune who grew all those roses.
NEW:Like I said before, this was caused by
   that girl Mizune who grew the roses.

Luca(0) :12:12: 
JP::貴方は、彼女についてどう思っていた?
   もし、警戒心が無かった、もしくは薄かったのであれば、
   それは『私』の思うつぼ。
EN::How did she do that? Weren’t you
   suspicious of her? And if not,
   then why are you of me?
NEW:What did you think of her?
   If you weren't wary of her, or only faintly,
   you played right into "my" hands.

Luca(0) :13:13: 
JP::それが私…『ルカ』のやり口。
EN::That is how I...Luca wants it.
NEW:That’s my... "Luca's" way.

Lines 11 and 13 miss the point, and that’s bad enough, but what happened on line 12? No one ever suggested that Croix was suspicious of witch Luca. She’s trying to get the point across that Luca is a very devious person, and her example is that Mizune fouled things up horribly for Croix without rousing his suspicions at all. That’s the way Luca does things. So maybe Croix ought to be suspicious of witch Luca after all, since even though she’s helping him, she’s still Luca, and by her own admission, devious… but her tale doesn’t unfold until level 6, so I won’t confirm or deny anything here.

Verbosity is Not the Enemy

Moderate spoilers for Luca’s Cosmosphere level 2, only partially mitigated by lack of context.

The biggest thing that struck me when reading back through level 2 was the number of lines that are overly abbreviated in the English version. While I approve of being clever with your wording and not using more words that you have to, the meaning has to come first. So here are the three most severe offenders from level 2, in my opinion.

Luca(0) :20:20: 
JP::完全な想いの産物の詩魔法は、どんな性格でどんな行動を
   取るかわからないから、セラピ空間では危なくて使えないから。
EN::The real magic born from their emotions could
   be dangerous to use for therapy.
NEW:When song magic's a result of complete feelings,
   you can't tell what personality it will have or
   what actions it will take, so it's too dangerous
   to use in the therapy space.

Here, the main idea still comes through just fine. Completely original magic is risky to use for therapy. However, the reasoning behind why it’s dangerous is completely lost.

Luca(0) :5:5: 
JP::無理してパラダイムシフト起こしても、今回みたいにかえって
   クロアに迷惑かけちゃうし。
EN::Even if I tried to make you happy, I couldn't
   like this time around.
NEW:Even if I force myself to have Paradigm Shifts,
   it's just going to cause you more trouble instead,
   like it did this time.

Here, it’s more difficult to grasp the intended meaning (and I think there’s a comma missing, too). More importantly, it’s unclear what exactly she means by “tried to make you happy” or why she “couldn’t” do it, and what exactly “this time” means is also a bit vague. The original is perfectly clear, though: She forced herself to have a Paradigm Shift, it made trouble for him, and doing it again would just cause him more trouble.

Goro(134) :40:40: 
JP::まあでも、階層が深くなって行くにつれて、そんな浅い
   ラブラブなんて出来なくなってくるのね。
EN::Anyway, it won't be like this once you
  go deeper.
NEW:But anyhow, as the strata get deeper,
  you'll be less and less able to do any
  shallow lovey-dovey stuff.

So… what won’t be like what, exactly? It’s not quite as bad in context, since the next line does mention flirting, but it still doesn’t get to the point. The point being that this “shallow lovey-dovey stuff” just won’t cut it much longer. As you advance deeper into the Soulspace, it becomes increasingly difficult to get anything done, and an increasingly deep connection is required. Superficial feel-good sorts of things won’t do any good.

Ah well, could be worse. At least most of the level still comes across well enough.