Author Archives: kWhazit

Synthesis, Speechlessness, and Snark

Sasha’s synthesis events were pretty good overall, though there are the usual instances of awkward grammar and Cloche using painfully improper speech, like:

Cloche:
JP: 店のおじさんだったかしら?
EN: Was it a shopkeep guy?
NEW: Did he work at the store?

and

Cloche:
JP: というよりも、今の時点でまったくわけのわからないものになってるから…。
EN: More like, I have no idea what it is right now so...
NEW: More precisely, I have no idea what it is at this point...

My favorite part of doing synthesis with Sasha, though, is when something like this happens:

Sasha:
JP: 簡単に言うと、強力なD波をジェネレートするための機械です。あまりに強力すぎて、
  バイナリ野での使用は、周囲の不整合を生むほどです。ですから、プログラムされた
  仮想世界でこれを使うと…
EN: To sum it up, it's a machine that generates strong D-waves.
  It's so strong that using it in the Binary Field causes
  inconsistencies. So in a programmed virtual world, using this
  will...
NEW: Put simply, it's a machine to generate powerful D-waves.
  They're so strong that using it in the Binary Field causes
  localized discrepancies. Therefore, using this in a programmed
  virtual world would...

Everyone else: ...

Sasha:
JP: あ、えっとですね。D波はグラスノが放出している波っていうの知ってますよね?
EN: Oh, um. You know that D-waves are waves emitted by Grathnodes,
  right?
NEW: Ah, um. You know that D-waves are the waves Grathnode emits,
  right?

Everyone else: ...

It’s too bad Jakuri doesn’t do any synthesis here. She’d be able to make sense of what Sasha’s talking about. She certainly makes her presence known in the Cynthia events, though, where the combination of Croix and Jakuri often turns the snark up to eleven. Cynthia is usually oblivious, particularly when Jakuri is (superficially) agreeing with her arguably psychotic opinions, but is more likely just being sarcastic. Croix’s dry humor is more of the brutally honest variety, so the interplay often gets to be amusing.

Cynthia:
JP: 多分、使用者もろとも空の彼方へ飛んでっちゃうからね。
EN: I think it'll even make the wielder go flying into the horizon.
NEW: It'd probably fly off to the horizon and take the user with it.

Jakuri:
JP: 凄いわ……。ここまで乙女心を感じさせるものにするなんて。
EN: That's amazing... You can feel the girliness so clearly.
NEW: Amazing... Such a powerful sense of girlish feeling.

...

Croix:
JP: バーニアのどこが乙女心なんだ?
EN: What part of the vernier is girly?
NEW: What part of the vernier has to do with girlish feelings?

Jakuri:
JP: ……最低ね。これがわからないなんて、鈍感を通り越して罪よ。
EN: ...You suck. If you can't understand, you're beyond dull. It's
  a sin.
NEW: ...You suck. Not understanding this is a crime surpassing
  thickheadedness.

Cynthia:
JP: 悪く言わないであげて。クー君はちょっと罪深い鈍感男なだけなんだよ。
EN: Don't be too mean to him. Coo's just a sinful, dull man.
NEW: Don't be so hard on him. Coo's just a criminally dense man.

Jakuri:
JP: ふん……。これからは少し、見る目をつけるための努力をしなさい。
EN: Hmph... You can at least make effort into knowing what to look
  for.
NEW: Hmph... Make a little more effort to have a discerning eye.

Croix:
JP: 俺には一生かかってもわからないと断言できるよ。
EN: I can tell you now. Even a lifetime isn't enough for me to
  understand.
NEW: I can assure you that I wouldn't understand even after a
  lifetime of trying.

See? You could argue that Jakuri actually means what she’s saying, but I think she’s just mocking the concept.

Jakuri:
JP: ……ごちそうさま。
EN: ...Show offs.
NEW: ...Get a room, you two.

Cynthia’s behavior around Croix makes everyone uncomfortable. That comment doesn’t work unless it’s adequately clear what Jakuri is talking about. The bit of extra sarcasm also suits her better.

Cynthia:
JP: お、恐ろしい……。ジャクリちゃん、恐ろしいよ。
EN: Y-you're fearful... Jacqli, so fearful.
NEW: F-fearsome... Jakuri, you're fearsome.

“Fearful” more correctly means “afraid” (full of fear) than “frightening” (causing fear in others). “Fearsome” is the oher way around. Jakuri is much closer to fearless than fearful.

Cynthia:
JP: そうだよ。これで戦っているクー君…きっと超カッコイイだろうなぁ…。
EN: Yup. Coo, fighting in this outfit... I bet it'll be super
  awesome...
NEW: Yup. Coo, fighting with this... I bet you'll look so cool...

That comes after they’ve made a weapon. How did an outfit get mixed up in that?

Jakuri:
JP: これはね、他人との息をピッタリ合わせるのに使う機械なのよ。
EN: This is a machine that lets you match perfectly with other
  people.
NEW: This, you see, is a machine you use to perfectly match your
  breathing with someone else.

Sometimes details go missing. There’s also a hint of a superior attitude that went missing, too.

Jakuri:
JP: 間違われたらそいつもこれで返り討ちにすればいいのよ。
EN: Then you beat them up with this instead.
NEW: Then you just use this to take out anyone who gets the wrong idea.

Croix:
JP: それだと悪役じゃなくて悪人そのものじゃないか?
EN: That's a real villain.
NEW: Wouldn't that make me outright evil instead of just seeming like
  a bad guy?

One of several exchanges that suffered.

Cynthia:
JP: そうだなぁ、使うときは半径50000ストン以内に民家や街がない事を確認して。
EN: Hmm, make sure there's no homes or towns within a 50,000 stone
  radius.
NEW: Hmm, make sure there aren't any houses or towns within a 50,000
  Ston radius when you use it.

Cloche:
JP: 50000ストン…って…この世界全体でも直径30000ストンも無いのよ!?
EN: 50,000 stone... But... The entire world isn't even 30,000 stone
  in diameter!
NEW: 50,000 Stons... wait... our whole world isn't even 30,000 Stons
  in diameter!

The unit of distance is normally a Ston, not a stone, but other than that, they did fine here. This is more interesting for the information it gives. A Ston is equal to 3.1 meters according to the Ar tonelico wiki, which gives the bomb a radius of nearly 100 miles and makes Metafalss under 58 miles in diameter. For comparison, the land around Ar tonelico (the Wings of Horus) during the Third Era measures roughly 140,000 Stons (270 miles) by 115,000 Stons (220 miles), most of that being a solid landmass. In other words, Sol Ciel has around 16 billion square Stons (60,000 square miles) of land, roughly the size of the state of Georgia, while Metafalss would barely amount to 700 million square Stons (2,600 square miles), around the size of Delaware, even if the entire area were solid land, which it isn’t. I’d estimate from art of the region that the actual land area is maybe one third of that, probably less, with significant portions (like the Ironplate Desert) that are uninhabitable. Now recall that the population is roughly one million…

Fun Talks with Cloche

First, in event introductions:

Cloche:
JP:  あ、クロア!も、もう…来るならこんな遅い時間に来なくても、もっと早く…い、いえ、
   何でも無いわ。
EN: Croix! You didn't have to visit this late. You should have
   come earlier...or not at all.
NEW: Oh, Croix! G-good grief... if you're going to come, you
   should come earlier, not at such a late... n-no, it's nothing.

The EN sounds like she’s still being hostile, or at least fussy over when he visits. What actually happens looks more like she starts to object on principle, then decides she doesn’t really mind after all and drops the objection.

There’s also an unused line, probably a leftover from the first game’s Level E.

Cloche:
JP:  このレベルは無いみたいよ。早々に立ち去りなさい。
EN: There is no level here. Now leave.
NEW: This level does not seem to exist. Leave at once.

Incidentally, Luca has one too, and hers is more interesting:

Luca:
JP:  あ、クロア。今作はこのレベルは無いんだって。あはんうふんしたかったのに
   残念だねー。
EN: Apparently they don't have this level right now. Too bad
   'cause we could've...you know what.
NEW: Hey, Croix. I hear this level isn't in this game. It's
   too bad, I wanted to... you know.

Moving on , here are some samples from the conversations:

Cloche:
JP: とにかく、今後はこういうことがないように気をつけなさい!
   また何か思うことがあった時は、こうして話をしますから覚悟しなさい。
EN: Anyway, don't let it happen again, okay?
   If the same thing happens again, I'll lecture you like
   I just did. Be ready for that.
NEW: In any case, take care that no such thing happens in the
   future! If I think of anything else, I will have words with
   you like this again, so be prepared for it.

Croix:
JP: (えらいことになったなぁ……)
EN: (Oh, my...)
NEW: (This has turned into a real mess...)

This is from her very first talk topic. She needs to sound pretentious and bossy for it to have the proper impact. This says a lot about her characterization early in the game: “I just chewed you out over something that’s not really a big deal. I’ll do it again if I think of anything else, too, so you’d damn well better be ready for it.” Croix, meanwhile, starts to realize what he’s gotten himself into.

Croix:
JP: 聞く耳持たない辻斬りを相手にするのと同じでしたよ。
EN: It was the same as dealing with a bandit who jumps on
   you without saying a word.
NEW: It was like dealing with an uncaring villain bent on
   testing a newly-forged sword blade on me.

Somehow, though, Croix still manages to speak his mind when it matters. He isn’t terribly happy about what happens in his first attempted Dive, especially when Cloche starts accusing him of trying to do something improper to her in her Cosmosphere, so he responds with this bit of witty metaphor. 辻斬り refers to trying out the edge on a new sword, or simply testing one’s skill, against a random passerby on the roadway. Apparently it was once a common enough problem to warrant specifically banning the practice. In short, he’s found a (relatively) polite way to say she acted like a murderous psychopath.

Croix:
JP: そういえば、ぺぺんべいのことですけど……。
EN: By the way, regarding that Pippencuit...
NEW: Come to think of it, about Pepenscuits...

Cloche:
JP: ……なにそれ?
EN: ...What in hell is that thing?
NEW: ...What are those?

That one was both awkwardly phrased and out of character. Sad, really.

Cloche:
JP: 御子なのがバレた時よりも、そのフォローの方がキツかったわ。
EN: What you said was worse than Cocona's revelation.
NEW: What came after was worse than when she found out
   I was the Maiden.

Here, we have a line that has nothing to do with what Croix said (he barely speaks in the relevant scene) and absolutely nothing to do with Cocona (who isn’t even in the scene referenced). Sometimes I wonder if the translators, and any underpaid overworked proofreaders they may have had, were banned from referring to other parts of the game text.

Cloche:
JP: ルカって、もしかして物凄くだらしなかったりするのかしら?
EN: Doesn't Luca normally wear dirty outfits?
NEW: Would Luca happen to be an exceptionally messy person?

This has everything to do with general tidiness, and is only vaguely related to outfits.

Cloche :3:32948:
JP: ……ああ、教皇の間のあれね。
EN: ...Ah, that throne in the Pope's hall?
NEW: ...Oh, you mean the one in the throne room.

Going out of the way to mention the Pope in English is probably more confusing than helpful, even though the word is there in Japanese. 教皇の間 (which is literally “Pope’s hall” or something very similar) is a derivation of 王の間 (“King’s hall”), which is simply called a “throne room” in English. Since a throne is still a throne whether a king or a pope sits upon it, there’s no reason to call the room anything unusual.

Croix:
JP: (そういうのが好きな人もいるんだが……)
EN: (I personally know someone who loves ghosts.)
NEW: (Actually, some people love that sort of thing...)

It’s funny how generalities sometimes turn into specifics for no reason.

Croix:
JP: 随分早くルカと仲直りしたみたいですね。
EN: You and Luca seem to have reconciled. That was so soon.
NEW: You and Luca seem to have reconciled remarkably quickly.

Cloche:
JP: 仲直りも何も、ケンカというところまで行ってないもの。
EN: Well, you haven't fought, so you don't need to reconcile
   in the first place.
NEW: There was nothing to reconcile. After all, we didn't go
   as far as fighting.

The dispute was clearly between Luca and Cloche, so why would Croix need to reconcile anything?

Croix:
JP: さーしゃ、随分と元気になりましたね。クローシェ様、一体何をしたんですか?
EN: Sasha, you look fine. What did you do for her, Lady Cloche?
NEW: Sasha was much more cheerful. What did you do, Lady Cloche?

Since when is Sasha in the bedroom or tent with them when they’re talking at night? That’s a bit creepy…

Cloche:
JP: ジャクリも同じようなコスモスフィアだけど、やっぱり、
   ああいうのって練習とかすれば出来るようになるのかしら?
EN: Jacqli's Cosmosphere is still somewhat similar to ours.
   I wonder if I can train to make such a world as hers?
NEW: Jakuri has a Cosmosphere much like it as well.
   Could that mean it's possible to do that sort of thing
   through practice?

Jakuri’s Cosmosphere is similar to Frelia’s Binary Field, not to Cloche and Luca’s Cosmospheres.

Croix:
JP: ……けど、なんか悪人って言うよりはなんていうか。
EN: ...But anyway, she is more than just an evil girl...
NEW: ...But she's not so much a villainess as a... how should
   I put it?

Cloche:
JP: 言葉の悪い不良娘、って感じの方が強いわよね。
EN: Yeah, she's more an unfriendly delinquent girl.
NEW: She gives a stronger impression of being a badmouthed
   juvenile delinquent.

You can probably guess who this is talking about. Wouldn’t they be surprised if the knew about some of the things she did…

Croix:
JP: けど実際問題、100人まで行くとは思いませんでしたよ。
   100人の魔法で攻撃される敵も、なんとなく哀れに思えてくることありますし……。
EN: But as a matter of fact, I didn't think they would get any
   more than 100 members. I feel rather bad for those enemies
   who get attacked by more than 100 Reyvateils with their
   powerful magic.
NEW: But the fact of the matter is that I never expected it
   would go as far as a hundred members. I almost feel sorry
   for the enemies being attacked with magic from a hundred
   people...

No one says anything about going beyond one hundred.

Cloche:
JP: で、でも、サイズが合わなくて着れなかったのよ。
EN: But, it was too small at the chest. I had to give up...
NEW: B-but the size was all wrong and I couldn't wear it...

While it’s possible that it’s what she means, there’s no mention of her chest.

Cloche:
JP: べ、別に変な意味じゃなくて!ただ、えっと……。
   ……どうせ寝るだけなんだから、ここで寝ても問題は無いかなって……。
EN: I didn't mean that! I just...
   ...We're just going to sleep and that'll be all.
   I was wondering if you would mind if I slept here with you...
NEW: N-not in any funny way! But, um...
   ...As long as you're going to bed anyway, there's no
   problem if you sleep here...

First, she’s protesting in advance that she doesn’t mean what she’s about to say in any sexual way, not taking back something she already said. Second, they’re in Cloche’s room, so it would be him sleeping here with her, not her sleeping here with him.

And finally, here’s part of the conversation voted most likely to prompt Croix to just give up and quit the Knights while he still has some dignity left:

Cloche:
JP: ……まさか、変な趣味があって避けられてるとかじゃないでしょうね?
EN: ...Is it because you have some kind of perversion and
   they're all avoiding you?
NEW: ...It couldn't be that you have deviant interests that
   cause you to be avoided, could it?

Croix:
JP: 俺をどういう目で見てるのかは知りませんが、そういうことじゃありませんから……。
EN: I don't know what you think of me as, but that's not the case.
NEW: I'm not sure how you see me, but it's nothing like that...

Cloche:
JP: じゃあどうしてなの?女性嫌いとか?それとも、あのココナちゃんみたいな
   小さい子じゃないとダメだとか?
EN: Then why? Are you immune to girls? Or, can you only function
   in the presence of a young girl, like Cocona?
NEW: Why, then? Perhaps you dislike women? Or perhaps you need
   her to be a little girl, like that Cocona?

Croix:
JP: ……パートナーのことはさておき、まずはその勘違いのことから話しませんか?
EN: ...Before we talk about a partner, why don't we talk about
   this misunderstanding you have about me?
NEW: ...Could we set aside the question of a partner and first
   discuss your misunderstandings about me?

Poor Croix. First Cloche suggests that he has some kind of disturbing fetish that scares off potential Reyvateil partners, then she questions his sexuality and practically accuses him of being a pedophile. On the other hand, I have to wonder what it says about her that she tends to imagine a perverted explanation whenever she doesn’t understand something. Croix has no partner? He must have some weird sexual kink. Luca’s a Dive Therapist? That’s obviously just a fancy name for a whore. Croix gets kicked out when he Dives? Clearly he must have tried something inappropriate. And so on…

Observations from the Item Catalog

Item descriptions were more interesting than they should have been. Potential spoilers here, though I’ll try to avoid anything major.

One thing that really got to me was that although it’s clear (isn’t it?) that Croix is supposed to be narrating, sometimes the official translation seems to simply forget that. Personal comments are turned into universal truths, places where we should have “I” turn into the general “you”, and it’s too impersonal in places too. A few examples:

JP: 衝撃を加えると小さな火を発する水。
   どんな反応を起こしているかは調べたことが
   ないから、わからない。
EN: Water that ignites with shock.
   No one really looked into the reaction,
   so I can't explain.
New: Water that sparks when disturbed.
   I've never looked into what sort of reaction
   it causes, so I don't understand it.

JP: 押してはいけないとわかっているけど、
   押さなければ気持ちが収まらないボタン。
EN: A button you know you're not allowed
   to push, but your mind won't settle
   until you do so.
New: I know I'm not supposed to push
   this button, but I won't feel satisfied
   until I do.

JP: 上質な布、民族的な模様らしいが、
   どこの文化なのかはわからない。
EN: A high quality cloth with tribal
   patterns, but no one knows what
   civilization it's from.
New: A high-quality cloth with tribal
   patterns, but I don't know what
   culture it's from.

JP: キュートなカラーリングを施されたハンマー。
  その可愛い見た目に反して、威力はなかなかのもの。
  近くで振り回すのはやめて欲しい。
EN: A cute colored hammer. However, unlike
  its looks, its power is strong. You don't
  want it being swung anywhere near you.
New: A cutely colored hammer. Contrary to its
  cute looks, the power isn't half bad. I wish
  she'd stop swinging it around so close to me.

Those “no one” lines are especially galling. Surely, with all the people in the world and the technology they have, someone somewhere must have investigated such a strange reaction as sparking water. Surely someone somewhere knows what culture those tribal patterns are from. Just because Croix hasn’t bothered to find out doesn’t mean the information isn’t out there.

Another common distortion is ignoring らしい in sentences. In short, Croix’s use of this indicates that his information is second-hand. That is, he’s not commenting on what he knows for himself, but on what he’s heard from someone else or another source that he can’t be entirely sure is accurate. This applies to many, many descriptions (it felt like about half, but probably isn’t quite that many), but here are a few a typical examples:

JP: ゲロッゴをインスパイアーしたらしいもの。
  違いがわからないけど、女の子たちの中では
  忌み嫌われている。
EN: This is what inspired Gergo.
  I don't know the difference,
  but it is hated among girls.
New: Apparently this inspired Gergo.
  I can't tell the difference, but
  among girls it's hated with a passion.

JP: 強いグラスノの波を出して、データで構成された
  世界の情報を歪めてしまう事が出来るらしい。
  それってハッキングじゃないか?
EN: This can distort the world of information
  created by data, by blasting a strong
  Grathnode wave. Isn't that hacking?
New: This can supposedly distort the information
  in a world composed of data by emitting powerful
  Grathnode waves. Isn't that hacking?

Croix doesn’t know for himself what inspired Gergo; he really doesn’t care enough, but a certain someone was more than willing to amend his ignorance. In the second example, he similarly doesn’t know enough about informational technology to any idea what the device in question does, so he’s just repeating what he was told it does.

Speaking of that second example, I think the meaning got a bit confused too. Unfortunately, it’s not the only one.

JP: はくと気持ちがスッキリ、背筋もビッシリなるらしい
  長ーい靴下。靴下って言ったらニーソックスだと怒られた。
EN: Long socks that refreshes your feelings
  and straightens your back. What's wrong
  with wearing socks that come up to the knee?
New: Long socks that apparently straighten your
  back and make you feel refreshed when you wear
  them. I called them socks and got yelled at
  that they're knee-socks.

JP: 念をこめてつくった怪しい呪術の爆弾。恐ろしいマークが
  ついているのは気のせいか?
EN: A strange cursed bomb, full of grudges.
  Is it just me, or does the mark look wicked too?
New: A creepy black magic bomb imbued with emotions.
  Is it just my imagination that it has a terrifying
  mark on it?

In all fairness, though, many of the descriptions aren’t bad at all, though I tend to reword them anyway:

JP: 硬いカラに守られた、暖かな気候を好む植物の実。
  ジューシーで甘いけれど、食べるところが少ない。
EN: A hard shelled fruit of a plant that
  likes warm weather. It is juicy and sweet,
  but there isn't much to eat.
New: A fruit protected by a hard shell from a
  plant that likes warm climates. It's juicy
  and sweet, but there isn't much to eat.

Just a Quickie

In celebration of completing Luca’s Cosmosphere, here’s a brief, non-spoilerish excerpt from the last level:

Goro(134) :45:45: 
JP::人の恋路にちょっかい出すヤツは、
  オボンヌに蹴られて死んでしまえ!って、良く言うじゃない。
EN::Haven't you heard the expression,
  "Whoever interferes with someone's love
  should be stoned to death by Funbuns"?
NEW:Like they say, anyone who messes with love's
  progression should be kicked to death by Funbuns!

Croix(3) :46:46:
JP::言わない言わない。
EN::I... can't say that I have.
NEW:They do NOT say that.

And it really is Funbuns (オボンヌ) and not Funboons (オボンタ). Huh.

Luca CS6 Quickie

I’ve been kind of busy and distracted recently, but I’m back to translating now. Luca’s Cosmosphere level 6 is nearly ready, pending my usual quick proofreading/sanity check, but for now, here’s a tasty excerpt to nibble on. Though maybe I should avoid food metaphors, considering it’s Luca….

Spoilers follow. Of course.

Croix(3) :20:20:
JP::未完了…?
EN::Incomplete wills...?
NEW:Imperfections...?

Luca(0) :21:21: 
JP::そう。私の心には、自己否定をする嫌な自分が沢山いるの。
   失敗すると後悔したり、人との付き合いで臆病になったり…
EN::Yes. My heart is made up with a lot of
   personalities that are rejecting myself.
   Self rejecting me, regretful me...
NEW:Right. In my heart are a lot of parts of
   myself I don't like and deny as part of me.
   Messing up and having regrets, getting timid
   when dealing with people....

Luca(0) :22:22: 
JP::自分の言いたいことが言えなくて、後で自分を責めたり、
   嫌なことから逃げて悔やんだり。
EN::Me who is holding back, me who runs
   away from everything...
NEW:Not being able to say what I want
   and beating myself up about it later,
   running away from unpleasant things
   and regretting it.

Luca(0) :23:23: 
JP::その感情は、全部ここに溜まってくる。
   そしてそれは、溶岩の海となってこの世界にあふれ出すの。
EN::All those stresses come and stay here,
   and all that energy turns into lava and
   pours into this world.
NEW:Those feelings all collect here.
   And they turn into a sea of lava and
   overflow into this world.

These aren’t personalities that are rejecting herself, these are aspects of herself she wants to get rid of. Here, they’re specifically habitual behavior that she’s dissatisfied with. The descriptions of these traits are fairly off, and trying to personify them with “~ me” and “me who ~” is both awkward and unnecessary. She’s listing examples of things she does.

Luca Self-Summary Slipup

Luca’s Cosmosphere level 5 spoilers ahead.

I’m nearly done with level 5, just need to finish rechecking and cleaning it up a bit. I hit this part while doing that, though, and it seemed like prime blogging material. So here you go:

Luca(0) :11:11: 
JP::先にも言ったけど、これはバラを育てていた子
   「水音」によって引き起こされた。
EN::It was Mizune who grew all those roses.
NEW:Like I said before, this was caused by
   that girl Mizune who grew the roses.

Luca(0) :12:12: 
JP::貴方は、彼女についてどう思っていた?
   もし、警戒心が無かった、もしくは薄かったのであれば、
   それは『私』の思うつぼ。
EN::How did she do that? Weren’t you
   suspicious of her? And if not,
   then why are you of me?
NEW:What did you think of her?
   If you weren't wary of her, or only faintly,
   you played right into "my" hands.

Luca(0) :13:13: 
JP::それが私…『ルカ』のやり口。
EN::That is how I...Luca wants it.
NEW:That’s my... "Luca's" way.

Lines 11 and 13 miss the point, and that’s bad enough, but what happened on line 12? No one ever suggested that Croix was suspicious of witch Luca. She’s trying to get the point across that Luca is a very devious person, and her example is that Mizune fouled things up horribly for Croix without rousing his suspicions at all. That’s the way Luca does things. So maybe Croix ought to be suspicious of witch Luca after all, since even though she’s helping him, she’s still Luca, and by her own admission, devious… but her tale doesn’t unfold until level 6, so I won’t confirm or deny anything here.

Verbosity is Not the Enemy

Moderate spoilers for Luca’s Cosmosphere level 2, only partially mitigated by lack of context.

The biggest thing that struck me when reading back through level 2 was the number of lines that are overly abbreviated in the English version. While I approve of being clever with your wording and not using more words that you have to, the meaning has to come first. So here are the three most severe offenders from level 2, in my opinion.

Luca(0) :20:20: 
JP::完全な想いの産物の詩魔法は、どんな性格でどんな行動を
   取るかわからないから、セラピ空間では危なくて使えないから。
EN::The real magic born from their emotions could
   be dangerous to use for therapy.
NEW:When song magic's a result of complete feelings,
   you can't tell what personality it will have or
   what actions it will take, so it's too dangerous
   to use in the therapy space.

Here, the main idea still comes through just fine. Completely original magic is risky to use for therapy. However, the reasoning behind why it’s dangerous is completely lost.

Luca(0) :5:5: 
JP::無理してパラダイムシフト起こしても、今回みたいにかえって
   クロアに迷惑かけちゃうし。
EN::Even if I tried to make you happy, I couldn't
   like this time around.
NEW:Even if I force myself to have Paradigm Shifts,
   it's just going to cause you more trouble instead,
   like it did this time.

Here, it’s more difficult to grasp the intended meaning (and I think there’s a comma missing, too). More importantly, it’s unclear what exactly she means by “tried to make you happy” or why she “couldn’t” do it, and what exactly “this time” means is also a bit vague. The original is perfectly clear, though: She forced herself to have a Paradigm Shift, it made trouble for him, and doing it again would just cause him more trouble.

Goro(134) :40:40: 
JP::まあでも、階層が深くなって行くにつれて、そんな浅い
   ラブラブなんて出来なくなってくるのね。
EN::Anyway, it won't be like this once you
  go deeper.
NEW:But anyhow, as the strata get deeper,
  you'll be less and less able to do any
  shallow lovey-dovey stuff.

So… what won’t be like what, exactly? It’s not quite as bad in context, since the next line does mention flirting, but it still doesn’t get to the point. The point being that this “shallow lovey-dovey stuff” just won’t cut it much longer. As you advance deeper into the Soulspace, it becomes increasingly difficult to get anything done, and an increasingly deep connection is required. Superficial feel-good sorts of things won’t do any good.

Ah well, could be worse. At least most of the level still comes across well enough.

Luca and Insecurity

I’m scanning Luca’s earlier levels for interesting tidbits now. This one’s from level 1:

So maybe it’s just me, but the JP text seems to establish Luca’s need for other people’s approval and sensitivity to what they think of her more quickly and powerfully than the US version.

Luca(0) :8:8: 
JP::何をやっても、誰に怒られることもない世界なんだよ。
EN::We won’t get into trouble. We can do anything.
NEW:No matter what we do, we won’t get anyone mad
 at us in this world.

Note how the emphasis is on how she would feel about other people’s reactions. It’s not getting in trouble that she’s worried about, it’s doing something that would result in people being mad at her. The difference is subtle but important.

Luca(0) :14:14: 
JP::うん!
ほら、現実世界だと、大の大人が鬼ごっこ
するなんて、恥ずかしくて出来ないでしょ?
EN::Yep! We can’t play it in the real world since
 we’re too old and people would just laugh at us.
NEW:Yeah!
 See, if this were the real world, it would be too
 embarrassing for adults to play tag, right?

Luca(0) :15:15: 
JP::だけど、ここなら思いっきり走り回っても、誰もいないから全然恥ずかしくないよっ!
EN::We can run around as much as we want without
 embarrassing ourselves!
NEW:But here, we can run around all we want, and it’s
 not the least bit embarrassing since no one’s here!

Again, the emphasis is on how she would feel because of other people. It’s not playing tag that she finds embarrassing, it’s being seen playing tag.

So I don’t know French either, but…

Here’s a quick example of those internal inconsistencies we keep mentioning.

First, an excerpt from level 3 of Luca’s Cosmosphere:

Luca(0) :17:17: 
JP::名付けて、「シャロン・ド・トロワ」よっ!
EN::I call it "Chalon de Trois"!
NEW:I name it "Chalon de Trois"!

Okay, so far so good. Then, early on the very next level:

Luca(0) :0:0: 
JP::はい、どうぞ!
シャロン・ド・トロワ。
私の自慢料理だよっ!!
EN::Here you go! Shalon de Trois, my best recipe!
NEW:Here you go!
Chalon de Trois.
It's my best recipe!

Personally, “croissant” is about the extent of my French vocabulary (at least, I’m pretty sure that’s French), but they can’t both be right. And this was a fairly distinctive term, with both appearances in normal dialog (as opposed to a menu item, a graphic, etc.), and without much of a gap between uses. Please tell me we can do a better job of proofreading?