Author Archives: fetjuel

Junk Heap

Many spoilers for Cloche’s Cosmosphere Level 7.

Weak:

Cloche(1) :8:8: 
JP::身体を持たない程に微弱になった存在が、
こんな事出来るわけ無い筈なんだけど…他に考えようがないもの。
EN::It's supposed to be impossible to do this without its body, 
but I can't think of any other reasons.
NEW:It shouldn't be possible, in their weakened, bodiless state. 
But there's no other explanation.

“You’re us”:

Cloche(1) :13:13: 
JP::貴方は私達クローシェにとっての希望…。
そんな貴方を殺してみたら、どうなるかしら。
EN::You're us, Cloche's hope... What if I killed you?
NEW:You represent hope to us, to Cloche. 
So what would happen if I were to kill you?

“Everyone” means Cloche, as there are only two people involved in a Dive:

Cloche(1) :15:15: 
JP::この世界で永遠の罠にはめるってのもいいわね。
ダイブし終わった後に、貴方だけ起きてこない状態になるから…
EN::I could trap you in here forever too.
 After the Dive, everyone will wake up except for you...
NEW:Or, I could trap you in this world forever. 
You wouldn't wake up from the dive.

Destruction:

Cloche(1) :35:35: 
JP::破滅願望自体は、多かれ少なかれ、誰でも持っている願望よ。
でも、今の私ほど大きな破滅願望を持っている人は希じゃないかしら?
EN::Everyone possesses a wish for self destruction, 
one way or the other, but don't you think it's rare to 
see someone that wishes for it so strong like me?
NEW:Everyone has a self-destructive impulse, more or less.
But a desire as potent as mine may be quite rare.

It reads like a non-native English speaker wrote this bit:

Cloche(1) :36:36: 
JP::人は、自分と世界の幸せを、相対的な距離で常に計っているわ。
そして、世界に比べあまりに自分が不幸と感じると…
EN::People compare their happiness to the average, 
and if the difference seems so big, sometime...
NEW:People consider their happiness relative to the 
rest of the world. And if they see that they are relatively unhappy...

More non-native-seeming stuff:

(25) :58:58:
JP::これだけ謎を残したままクローシェのコスモスフィアから撤退するなんて、
なんだかすっっっごい、負けた気分なのよ!
EN::I felt like a loser, leaving alone this Cloche's Cosmosphere 
filled with mysteries!
NEW:I couldn't stand leaving behind Cloche's Cosmosphere, 
full of all these unsolved mysteries!

“Just sad”, indeed:

(25) :62:62:
JP::うるさいわね…さっきから言ってるでしょ?
私は自分の知的好奇心と、心の充足を得るために、ここに戻ってきたのよ。
EN::Oh, shut up... That's what I just sad. 
I came back out of a curiosity, and to fulfill my knowledge.
NEW:Oh, shut up... Like I just said, 
I came back to satisfy my own curiosity and settle my mind.

Inaccurate and ungrammatical:

(25) :69:69:
JP::本来どの階層においても、自己の人格否定が行われた場合、
全ての階層においてその影響が均一に発生するわ。
EN::There should be an equal affect to all the levels, 
even if one of the personalities get rejected.
NEW:If on any one stratum a persona nullification occurs, 
it shoud take effect equally on the other strata.

Just wrong:

(25) :92:92:
JP::さっきは戦略上濁したけど、
あの悪魔の姿のクローシェが他の人格を制御できるはずがない。
EN::I struggled a little bit, but there is no way that 
devilish Cloche can regulate the other personalities.
NEW:Contrary to what I let on to her, I don't actually 
think that that devil-Cloche could suppress the other personas.

Motivation

Spoilers for Cloche’s Cosmosphere.

Here, the first line’s meaning is mostly lost, because of inaccurate and ungrammatical translation.

When 行動理念 first appears, it’s the completely wrong “the idea I have”. The second time it’s the slightly better, but still incorrect, “philosophy”, but the sense that Cloche is about to reveal the reasons behind her recent behavior is completely lost.

The third time, we get “the reason for your action”. Closer, but so disconnected in its grammar and in meaning that it barely makes sense with the scenes and lines leading up to it.

Finally, the punchline: someone thought that “a wish to destruction” was a perfectly fine translation. “Only if Infel was here” is icing.

Cloche(1) :25:25: 
JP::それは、私の存在…そして行動理念が、
クローシェの他の人格とは一線を画しているものだから。
EN::It has to do with my existence... 
and the idea I have is a little different with 
the other personalities.
NEW:Well, my existence... and my motivations... 
are distinct from those of Cloche's other personas.

Croix(3) :26:26:
JP::…え!?
EN::...What!?
NEW:Huh!?

Cloche(1) :27:27: 
JP::私の行動理念は…
EN::My philosophy is...
NEW:My motivation is...

[...]

Cloche(1) :31:31: 
JP::やれやれ…身体は消滅しても、まだ尚何かの人格がしぶとく食い下がっているようね。
EN::Oh man... Even if the body is gone, 
some kind of personality is still struggling through its way.
NEW:Oh dear... Even with its body annihilated, 
it seems that some persona is still stubbornly hanging on

Croix(3) :32:32:
JP::待て!
お前の行動理念は一体…
EN::Wait! What is the reason for your action...
NEW:Wait! What is your motivation?

Cloche(1) :33:33: 
JP::…破滅願望。
EN::...Wish to destruction.
NEW:...Self-destruction.

Croix(3) :34:34:
JP::破滅願望だって…!?
EN::A wish to destruction...!?
NEW:Self-destruction!?

Croix(3) :35:35:
JP::どうしたらいい…。
こんな時に、インフェルがいてくれたら…
ちくしょう…
EN::What should I do... Only if Infel was here to help... Dammit...
NEW:What am I going to do... If only Infel were here to help me... Dammit...

What

I’m not really sure what the translators were going for here, but it doesn’t have much to do with the original text. It was hard to write a short enough line that gets across the meaning, and I did have to take some editorial license. But at least mine resembles the original!

Spoilers for Cloche’s Cosmosphere.

(25) :25:25:
JP::でも、違うコスチュームの自分ならいざしらず、ルカだったり子供だったり…って…
コスモスフィアの常識を覆しているわ…。
EN::But if it was, she should be understanding
how this Cosmosphere works...
NEW:I know that her personas may appear as her in a costume.
But to be Luca, or a little kid... it's unheard of in any cosmosphere!

Editing

Here’s a case where the translation is fine, but the editing has caused harm. In Cloche’s Cosmosphere Level 6-R, there’s a flashback to Level 2. The official localization has different text between the flashback and the original scene, even though the Japanese text is identical in both.

The two official localizations seem like they must have had a common origin, because they’re quite similar, but perhaps one was revised in a second pass through the text while the other was overlooked.

Level 2:

Luca(0) :33:33: 
JP::奪ってなんていないよ?
ただ、お客様は正直だから…きっともう大鐘食堂さんに飽きたんじゃないのかなっ?
EN::We didn't steal anything.
Customers have the right to choose.
Maybe they just got tired of your place...
NEW:We didn't steal anything.
Customers are just honest.
They must have gotten tired of your place.

Level 6-R:

Luca(0) :6:6: 
JP::奪ってなんていないよ?
ただ、お客様は正直だから…きっともう大鐘食堂さんに飽きたんじゃないのかなっ?
EN::We didn't steal anything.
Customers are honest, you know...
Maybe they got tired of your place...
NEW:We didn't steal anything.
Customers are just honest.
They must have gotten tired of your place.

This goes on for several more lines; the Level 6-R version actually contains a lot of awkward writing where the Level 2 scene was fine.

Update: Oof, it gets worse as Croix flashes back to each of the previous levels. They could have copied and pasted from the better-written scripts for those levels. But the flashbacks just have more and more problems. It’s actually kind of interesting to be able to see two versions of the same script, one edited and one unedited. It truly does seem that somewhere along the way, NISA just had to stop editing and ship the game. I feel bad thinking about the kind of pressure they must have been under.

Rhetoric

Luca’s rhetorical repetition of a key phrase in this speech is completely lost in the official localization. I did my best to restore it. This text has spoilers for Cloche’s Cosmosphere.

Luca(0) :26:26: 
JP::貴方自身が『ルカ』や民衆を疑うのは、
貴方が自分に自信がないから。
EN::The reason why you doubt "Luca" and the 
civilians is because you have no self confidence.
NEW:You yourself mistrust "Luca" and the 
citizenry because you have no confidence.

Luca(0) :27:27: 
JP::貴方自身が、彼女に劣等感を抱いているから。
EN::It's because you don't believe in yourself.
NEW:You yourself harbor feelings of inferiority to her.

Luca(0) :28:28: 
JP::貴方自身が、御子じゃないと思っているから。
EN::It's because you think you're not the Maiden.
NEW:You yourself think you are not the Maiden.

Truly impressive

I keep rereading this official localization to make sure it’s as confused as I think it is. It’s a miniature masterpiece of nonsense.

Luca(0) :24:24: 
JP::貴方が御子であることを、世界一否定しているのは、
貴方自身なのよ!
EN::You're the one who doesn't approve of you the
most out of anyone in this world is yourself!
NEW:In this world, the one who most vehemently 
denies that you are the Maiden... is you!

Whoops

Croix(3) :1:1:
JP::ルカを探してるんだ。
アマリエ、見なかったか?
EN::I'm looking for Cloche.
Have you seen her?
NEW:I'm looking for Luca.
Have you seen her?

Puns

A defining idiosyncracy of the character Infel is that she tends to make abysmal puns, usually at the worst possible moments. As I translate Cloche’s Cosmosphere, I’ve been having a lot of fun coming up with English puns that are similar in meaning and in groan-inducement to the originals.

Of course, it’s disappointing that the official localization seems to miss that they’re jokes at all, or just gives up on trying to localize them as jokes. This drains a lot of Infel’s personality. It also creates strange situations, where Infel says something completely normal, and Croix responds with an awkward silence and then “this is not a time for joking around…”

I would like to post up my joke-alizations, but I don’t want to give away their awfulness before you get a chance to hear them in the game. 😀

Inverted meaning of the day

Luca(0) :44:44: 
JP::クローシェ様は、私と一緒にいて御子の地位を得る代わりに、自らの自由を私に売り渡した。
EN::She promised to stay with me,
and gave me her position in exchange for her freedom.
NEW:She gave up her freedom to me,
in order to be with me and to take the role of Maiden.